Paddy’s Rules

Paddy’s Rules for Surviving the Business Jungle

You know Paddy…loves to joke, but sometimes there’s a tough side to him as well

Paddy’s Golden Rules:
* Whoever has the gold makes the rules.
* If you can’t win, change the rules.
* When given a choice, take both!
* Multiple projects lead to multiple successes.
* Start at the top then work your way up.
* Do it by the book…but be the author!
* When forced to compromise, ask for more.
* If you can’t beat them, join them, then beat them.
* If it’s worth doing, it’s got to be done right and now.
* If you can’t change the rules, ignore them.
* If there’s no challenge, then make one.
* “No” simply means begin again at one level higher.
* Don’t walk when you can run.
* Challenge bureaucracy with a righteous attitude, a tolerance for stupidity, and a bulldozer when necessary.
* When in doubt, THINK!
* Patience is a virtue, but persistence to the point of success is a blessing.
* Perfection is not optional.
* Good ain’t good enough.

Murphy’s Law
Paddy never wanted the credit, so he wrote under the pen-name of Murphy
* Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
* It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
* Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
* The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train.
* Celibacy is not hereditary.
* Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
* Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes to the bone.
* Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
* A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
* If everything seems to be going well, you obviously don’t know what the hell is going on.
* Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.
* A short cut is the longest distance between to points.
* Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
* Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
* The other line always moves faster.
* If everything seems to be going well, you obviously don’t know what the hell is going on.
* Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.
* A short cut is the longest distance between to points.
* Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
* Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
* The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong, but that’s the way to bet.
* Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost more than you thought.
* The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before.
* In order to get a loan; you must first prove you don’t need it.
* No matter how long or hard you shop for an item, after you’ve bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
* The chance of a piece of bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
* You never run out of things that can go wrong.

Words of Wisdom, Paddy says….
* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.
* If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.
* It doesn’t take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
* Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
* Good judgement comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.
* Always drink upstream from the herd.
* Never drop your gun to hug a politician/lawyer/accountant/bank manager.
* If you’re striding out ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it’s still there.
* When you give a lesson in meanness to a person, don’t be surprised if he learns the lesson.
* There’s two approaches to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.
* When you’re throwing your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.
* Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
* Always take a good look at what you’re about to eat. It’s not important to know what it is, but to know what it was.
* The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
* Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Paraprosdokian
A figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists.

Some examples:
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Some people are like Slinkys … not really good for anything, but you can’t hel p smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon and a shot of tequila.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.